Your reading a pre 2010-11 archived article

As a Leeds fan, crowing at the prospect of relegation for some of our ex PL foes isn’t quite the enjoyable sport it could be, after all no club has fallen quite as far as us in such a spectacular style or is ever likely to, and yet when you look at the PL relegation battle one thing jumps out at you, that if your anywhere in the bottom half, reputation, crowd size, transfer budget spent etc isn’t going to save you…

Ranging from the self-made legend that is the Toon army (just cos every Rothmans Yearbook in the 80’s shows 12k, 15k, 18k crowds at St James’s Park doesn’t mean they ain’t the loyalist fans on planet for ever etc etc yawn yawn) through the rowdy ferelness of Stoke City to the Bounceability Baggies, half the PL can still find itself on the end of the most expensive drop in football (note no-one talks about wounded supporters or a black-mark on club’s noble history when relegation strikes, now its £60m down the drain, a drain called players contracts). Even with Spurs looking safe with 8 games to go there are plenty of options for the outsider to enjoy.

I suppose we all have an hierarchy of dislike, teams who whist not up their with the ManU’s and Chelski’s as life-long hates but are still sufficiently irritating to you to hope for some demise to accrue. Me I have always detested Birmingham City, so when they screwed up royally at the end of last season I was an happy kitten and hopefully will be again if they miss second and then falter in the play-offs. On the same level lives Middlesbrough, a team, town, grounds and attitude to life I could never dain to consider as anything but alien. Countless dodged bricks and mauling hikes to Ayresome Park probably set the tone for me towards them but the Robson years topped up the spite and that legoland ground they have the audacity to call “Riverside” is but a cherry on the cake.

Their seems to be something of the repetitive inevitability about Boro’s history, a kind of 15 year cycle, go up, get to the odd cup final, spend too much money, get relegated, start again. McClaren’s may come and go but Gibson and his mysterious pot of funds stays the same (am I the only person who is thinks that he looks the same as he did 20 years ago and that’s really spooky!!). Its not like they have “loyal” support, they rival Bolton with the empty seats in a stadium with less capacity than Elland Road.



I suppose I could be a little more generous towards the present Boro set up, they have after all brought through a series of young players in that last few seasons whilst others would go out a buy a foreign player. They play football in a reasonable manner and Mr G Southgate is up there in the polite articulate manager league. At the risk of contradicting myself, politeness and articulation doesn’t mean you can manage however. Managing requires a mentality different from playing, and Southgate’s recent defence of his squad after the fans started chanting “we’ve only got one player” showed that he clearly hadn’t left the latter.

As an outsider it’s interesting seeing how a squad, which on paper (I love “on paper” squads, they have so much possibility and promise, the 2002-03 Leeds United version is my favourite paper squad, going rule the world that one!!!) should be doing ok struggle. Trying to spot “the Viduka”, those players with a bad attitude who have already mentally left the club, seeing which players are exposed as limited and also looking for versions of Alan Smith, heart in the right place, effort personified, bugger all end product. Austrians, Brazilians, French, German and Turkish players mixed into a spiral of decline and nothing at this stage of the season anyone can do about it.

Interestingly enough, as I look closer at the other contenders in the ferret fight for fifteenth, I note a series of clubs not very far away from Boro in the distaste element. Pompay, I didn’t need a 6-1 defeat game to hate them, the 80’s took care of that, the already mentioned Stoke, a place when the football and the townscape compete for ugliness, Blackburn Rovers, a football team so above its station managed by a equally jumped up manager, Sunderland and its 70 man first team squad, 50 of which never kick a football in anger, Hull, another place so poverty-stricken, in life and economics your soul dies just smelling the place and Bolton where players get fined for passes in midfield and Chairman claim franchise rights. The choice is pretty extensive, I would also love to throw Wigan into that equation but the list of idiocy below them mean they can continue to get 1.5 points for every goal they score (there is always next season).

So when you finally come out of the other end of that analysis (stopping off for therapy) you are left pondering what would be the best relegation three? As a purist I would put all my prejudice aside to see Stoke, Blackburn and Bolton kop it (although if Leeds were to make CCC watching them would be a mare). But let’s look at this from a slightly different perspective, lets look for the three which would shake the very foundations of the conceited private club that is the PL. A three that would take down clubs with tradition, clubs who have squandered monies on trophy players (with no trophies to show for it), status grounds with overcapacity and celebrity managers, a relegation picture that would rob a whole region of its heritage, ladies and gentlemen I give you: Middlesbrough, Sunderland, Newcastle, the long awaited death of the worst of all the footballing myths in one season, payback for living on your memories time, but most importantly, a right belly laugh if it happens.